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Neonatal Nightmare
Chris Adsit, Associate National Director of Discipleship, Military Ministry
Rahnella and I take very
seriously the command from God that we "be fruitful and multiply". In the
fifteen years that we have pursued compliance in this area, the population of the Adsit
household has increased 200%, and we're darn proud of that.
Whenever we bring a new baby home from the hospital, we have a little welcoming ceremony. We do this not only to ease the child's transition into its new environment, but also because we feel it's important for each new family member to have a clear understanding of his or her roles and responsibilities in our household.
Generally, we sit the child down on the couch, prop it up with pillows (using duct tape if necessary), have the other children gather around and my wife and I perform an antiphonal reading of the following liturgy:
Chris: On behalf of the Adsit family, we would like to welcome you to your new home, [insert child's name here].
Rahnella: As you know, being born is a very big step. It's not a decision to be taken lightly.
C: That's right. But we want to assure you that you have done the right thing in joining our family. We like to think we're one of the best in the neighborhood.
R: We have gone to a great deal of effort and expense to provide for your every need.
C: Now for the details: your room is just up the stairs and on the left. We have purchased a new crib for you, so we anticipate you will sleep soundly.
R: If you need diapers, they are under the bassinet. We'll restock weekly. Extra blankets are in the closet.
C: All the food you'll ever need is in the pantry just off the kitchen. The can opener is in the top drawer next to the refrigerator. Microwave instructions are taped to the wall right next to it.
R: Breakfast is at 7:00, lunch at noon, dinner at 6:00. Please be considerate of others by being on time. Saturday is my day off, so you're on your own that day.
C: There will be no loud music or crying after 10:00pm. Plus, we would appreciate it if you would get past this messy diaper stage as soon as possible. Here's a book we think will help [hand baby copy of "Ten Baby Steps to Potty Training"].
R: If you have any other needs or problems, please don't hesitate to call on us. That's what we're here for!
C: Yes. You represent the continuation of our family line, our hope for a heritage. Let us know if we can be of service to you.
Together: So let us once again say, "Welcome to the family! May you be warmed and filled!"
Following the welcoming ceremony, we do our best to provide a loving Christian atmosphere in which the baby can grow. We sing a lot, tune into Christian teachers on the radio and keep the house clean and orderly. I give Rahnella lots of hugs and kisses - right in front of the baby! We cook nourishing meals and we always invite the children to join us. We wear nice clothes. We even put a stained glass window in our living room a couple of months ago!
But we have convictions about not being too "pushy". We don't want to compromise the baby's free moral agency, so we try to give it plenty of space; let it come to its own decisions about life. We try not to interfere.
Plus, it's not like Rahnella and I have nothing else to do. I have my writing and speaking and golf, and my wife is developing a very active counseling ministry. Even if we wanted to, we really couldn't devote an inordinate amount of time to babysitting anyway. We must stick to our priorities.
Some may think these techniques are controversial. Some would argue that they have contributed to the fact that only four of the 28 children Rahnella has given birth to are still alive (we know the truth: the 24 were simply unteachable). Some would say that anyone who treats babies that way should be keel-hauled and never be allowed near children.
And some would recognize that this is very similar to the way Christians usually take care of newborn spiritual babies.
P.O. Box 2212
Eugene, OR 97402-0044, USA
disciplemakers@ccci.org
(541) 345-3458
(866) MAKE-DISCIPLES (866-625-3347)
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